Thoughts

I have so many thoughts going through my mind right now and I really don't know what to think at the moment. I'm like sitting on my bed right now with the keyboard on my lap looking at the wall and thinking. Thinking about to much for some reason. Apparently I'm also thinking what I am going to type in this blog. Gosh what is going on with me. My mind is so jumbled up with thoughts were do I begin to talk about them. Well got to start somewhere. After this sentence my thoughts are just going to come out and they are not in any specific order.

Last day of school is tomorrow and I'm excited. I'm going to miss high school and everyone. I'm scared of getting hurt again. I'm afraid of opening myself to you. I want to be happy. I want to have someone. I hate being single. AHHH!!! Should I go on a date with someone else? Even though I've been waiting for you. Waiting for about 6months already but yet you don't want to be together. I'm confused. I want to make you happy and myself happy but I just don't know anymore. What do you want me to do? You can't seem to find time for me but I try for you. Is that how a relationship is going to be if we were together. Maybe I should be with someone else that I might make me happy. I mean we aren't official or anything. Maybe I'm going to take a risk. Thing is what if you ask me after I'm together with someone else. I guess its to late but I don't know. I'm lost and don't know what to do OR maybe I shouldn't try being with anyone. Whatever! I don't know anymore. I want to have that feeling you'll be there for me and you can make me smile at any point. Tomorrow is already June 1,2009 and I don't know. A part of me is afraid of Friday and what might or might not happen. Sometimes I HOPE and then if it doesn't happen. I just get disappointed and get hurt once again. Why do I get hurt? Is there something wrong with me or am I doing something wrong. Please tell me. I want to know. Maybe I should just sleep early? Well I can't ever sleep early or on time because I think about you and like "IF" something happens. I mean why put my hopes up. I think about you but do you think about me. I ask myself "Why do I keep trying?" I have no clue or maybe I'm just in need of someone. Why can't I find anyone.